"I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly."
~Jesus (John 10:10b)

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Dark Night of the Soul

"Whoever receives one child like this in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me does not receive Me, but Him who sent Me."    ~Mark 9:37

"You may feel delayed, but God is designing"   ~John Piper

"Jesus has tailor made mercies for the miseries of the day." ~John Piper

"Adoption is wonderful and beautiful and the greatest blessing I have ever experienced. Adoption is also difficult and painful. Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the Gospel in my living room. And sometimes, it is just hard."   ~Katie Davis, author of Kisses from Katie

These are some quotes that have given water and refreshment to my soul these past few months. To be honest, this is my third attempt at writing a blog post. Nothing has progressed since I last wrote but a lot has changed. We are going through a trial right now in our lives, one that I know many have walked before us and have suffered well through it. We are facing unemployment and therefore, a hold on our adoption. Daniel does have a job, but it is not enough to sustain our family. We have placed hundreds of applications in, and we have received very few responses. The few interviews that we have went through, came to a halt after the second or third interview. We have been broken, humbled, struggled with God and our own unbelief, prayed fervently, clung to each other, and sought to cling to the Word of God.

He is sweet. Knowing Jesus makes miseries lighter. However, we still struggle.

My heart breaks as I know my two boys are on the other side of the world, in Uganda, desiring a Mommy. A Daddy. A Family to call their own. I LONG to see that beautiful country that they call home, to meet the amazing people that live there and know that culture, to look into my boys eyes, hold them tightly and bring them HOME. It has been a year since we started this process. Adoption is trully the longest pregnancy ever (side note, but TRUE!).

 Some trials we have experienced and some mercies The Lord has given:

1) I lost my nanny job around two months ago
2) Daniel has had a couple of job leads, that only ended without a call back
3) Our income did not match our bills for around a month and a half

Sweet mercies from the hand of The Lord:

1) Peace and encouragement from HIS Word and HIS people when I lost my job
2) The Lord has abundantly provided for our needs- even when on paper it did not make sense!
3) Daniel's family has been overly generous in caring for us
4) Both families have been encouraging rather than discouraging- they have been such a blessing to us!
5) Our family- how the little things in life have really become sweeter; so thankful for the necessities that The Lord provides!
6) We have seen our hope, our significance, our faith, our timeline, become more grounded in the unchanging Word of God. Jesus has been sweeter. His sacrifice, His suffering, has become more dear and we have become more thankful for HIM.

That is where we are at. We are so thankful for your support and prayers during this time! It does look like things are changing in the near future regarding these issues, and so, Lord willing, we desire to get the ball rolling again on this adoption!

*Pray for our family, to trust the Lord as our provider and not a job.
*Pray for His provision.
*Pray for our boys, for the Lord to sustain them and for them to receive proper, loving care from someone until we can bring them home!

In Christ by His Grace,
Amber Lawson